Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

The Beard

Sunday, March 30th, 2003

Wow. It’s almost April. How the time does fly!

I’m almost finished tracking the songs for my next album. All I need are a couple of parts, all the basslines and all the vocals. So I’m not almost finished. More like halfway.

I am growing a beard, but I’m debating whether or not to shave it off. On the plus side, it’s basically the only ‘new look’ thing I’ve ever done, except for shaving my head my sophomore year (a horrid look immortalized on my driver’s liscence until I turn 21) and getting glasses in eighth grade. On the downside, it isn’t fully grown and right now it just makes me look mega-lazy.

Update

Saturday, March 29th, 2003

Whoops. My bad. Lee. Not Leo. Leo was their drummer; Lee is their singer.

Shawn, Vinny, Cayce (I don’t know how to spell that damn name; this is close enough) and I went to Horseshoes’ show in Polson this Friday. Chris’s band also played. It was awesome. Lee’s friend broke the stage. And Lee got stuck in the elevator before the show. Both these incidents made the manager/custodian dude very pissy. Yeah, Lee broke $4 of particle board! Uh-oh! Then we went to John’s house/store and hung out for a while. left at 3:00 in the morning.

I’ve been recording throughout my spring break. That is all.

Spring

Friday, March 14th, 2003

Spring is in the air!

Update and Poems

Thursday, March 13th, 2003

Sorry. Gotsta update this thing more often. I’ve been busy.

First, I’ve been working like mad to get the Nerds With Instruments website updated. I learned about Cascading Style Sheets on Wednesday and have been updating the website to include them. Now, I can switch color schemes by judiciously changing a few images a CSS files, as opposed to spending hours tweaking colors on thousands of HTML elements. Dave likes CSS.

I’ve also been writing poetry. Here is a sonnet I composed while eating lunch today:



I sold Satan my soul at midnight

on the crossroads (He did look quite a hoot

decked out in his wingtips and Armani suit);

all that I really wanted was a light,

but it was quite a treat to see that brute

cackling and chuckling with evil delight

(it was clear the fiend thought the price was right).

I showed no fear. I was resolute.

If he’s apt to trade a soul for a whim

(praying for the better end of the deal)

then he may collect after my last breath.

I forsee no torment after my death.

Lucifer believes his end was the steal.

I don’t want to spoil the bargain for him.

Here’s another one. It doesn’t have a name:



Down myriad aisles stretching miles long

Lie uncounted volumes, each one a door —

And one portal leads to a thousand more.

Here an adventure, there a book of song,

A tome of knowledge and a book of lore.

I yearn to leaf through them, to stroll along,

To grab a stack of books twenty strong,

Each one offers something new to explore.

Sitting on a couch, in a cozy nook,

I hear no hustle, no crash, no car horn.

It’s a silence of gold, of turned pages,

A moment lasting through untold ages.

My world seems neither hateful nor forlorn

It consists of only me and my book.


Pretty nifty, huh? I like the rhyme scheme (ABBABAAB CDEEDC). It’s a pretty simple one for the octave (the first eight lines), but the sestet is nifty: the “C” lines surround it, further offsetting it, and there is a third and final “sandwhich” quatrain in between them. The only problem I have is finding four A and B rhymes.

Speaking of boring pedantic stuff, in English we had a test. I hadn’t done any of the reading. I do not think I’ll get a good grade on this quiz; this time I’m serious. But I don’t care. As long as I get a ‘C’, I’m fine.

John called and I’m going to see “My Fair Lady” on Friday. I really don’t like going back to my alma mater so often (I went there last Saturday to see C.C.’s show, The Phantom Tollbooth), but John’s a buddy (and former Speech partner), so I’ll go. They only have two showings of it, though. I’d be pissed if I was in it and they only did two shows — they’ve been practicing since early January. Apparently, the school didn’t spring for performance rights for more than two shows. Typical.

Ha ha ha. My school is running Neil Simon’s Rumors for two weeks! And I have three stages! Not even the mighty Hamilton High School can top that!

Update

Sunday, March 2nd, 2003

Wow, this weekend went quickly. We didn’t practice, so we might not play on Friday. I’ll try to get down to the valley sometime during the week to practice; if that happens then we’ll play. I really want to play this show, so I hope we can practice once this week.

I went to John’s for the Geek-fest. Star Trek, Video Games, and computers, oh my! The best part was the midnight excursion to Super 1 to pick up donuts. I didn’t get much sleep, though.

Update

Friday, February 28th, 2003

Apparently, my band does have a show next Friday. I wish there was more time to promote it, but (to quote Mick Jagger) “You can’t always get what you want.” So that gives me stuff to do, as far as making ads and putting them up. I want to learn some new songs, but I doubt that’ll happen.

Also, John called. He’s having a geek-fest at his house tomorrow: a Star Trek marathon. Dave just might go.

Here’s something to add to the College-is-Easy file. On Wednesday in my British Lit class we were put into groups to answer questions about “The Lotus Eaters” by some guy whose name starts with a T (Lord Tyrannus… Darth Maul? Dave knows not). Anyway, none of the five people in my group had read the damn poem. We managed to BS our way through the discussion about it in class today, though.

Update

Friday, February 21st, 2003

Nobody responded to my posts. Tough luck, huh? I think tomorrow I shall have to make some phone calls. David wants to play a show. Badly.

I still haven’t figured out if I’m coming home for the weekend or not. It’d be nice to stay for a weekend; then I could go to the Higgins Hall show this weekend and maybe even the play. I’ll have it figured out by tomorrow, but consarn it I wish I knew now!

This week, I’ve been feeling a lot happier — I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s because I fixed my sleep patterns. Maybe it’s because I’ve had so many test and stuff that I haven’t had time to fret about everything. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally realized how hopeless my chances with Erin is/was, and I’ve accepted that. Whatever the reason, I’ve been a lot more chipper. I’ve been talking to people, and making eye contact, and generally acting — though not exactly — like the guy I was my last year of high school.

My life still doesn’t seem to have a meaning. My future career teaching is a vague shape in the fog, the band rarely practices and nobody in Missoula seems to want to form a new one, my high school crush — with whom at one time I may have had a chance — has nearly fizzled, and my writing may never be publish. But I guess I’ve looked at that and told myself, that’s okay, I can only make it better. And I know that. I’ve finally started taking steps to stop moping about everything and everyone I left behind and to start enjoying life again.

Here’s a poem, entitled, “Acrostic”, that pretty much sums things up:



Every time I think of you , I will

Recall a million things (maybe a billion, I honestly can’t keep track)

I never said or never did. But my regret, powerful as it is, is

Not what I want to hold close to me:

It’s what springs to mind first, uninvited, as I may well have been.

Losing stays with us the more than keeping,

Like some sort of perverse memory, an instant replay of remorse. Still I shall

Make an effort to look past the regret lurking

Inside my heart, and try to

Summon what good there was. Believe me, there may be less of it, but it’s

Stronger and ultimately will prevail. Do not think for a single moment that

You ever put anything but a smile on my face. I frowned

Over you, but I did that of my own volition. I carved a frown from my smile.

Until I leave this world, — longer still — I will never regret opening my heart to you.

Update

Thursday, February 20th, 2003

I really want to play a show, so I made some posts on ye olde Internet, and if people come through I should be able to make some calls tomorrow. Our last show was… unreceptive. I’ve written some new songs, damn good ones I think, and it’d be nice to learn them so we don’t have to play so many covers. I’m nervous when I’m playing, yes, but in heaven (hm… what have I describe like that before?). Plus, just getting up there, pounding off some songs, and getting into things will help me to… forget certain things that have been bugging me.

The last real show Nerds With Instruments had was in November at Higgins Hall. True, we had one in January, but it was a birthday party for a bunch of underclassmen… an high school ones at that. They weren’t the typical audience for a punk band, to put it lightly. Still we played well.

I just read that there is a series of underground tunnels here on campus that connect most of the buildings. Cool. I gotsta figger me’s a ways to get in thar. Nah, I don’t really want to go down there. still, it would be pretty awesome.

So I might not go home for the weekend. I might stay to see The Miracle Worker on Friday or Saturday night, depending on when tickets are available. I want to go home, just to play with the band, but since we rarely practice, I doubt this weekend would be any exception. I posted a thing on mtpunk.com, looking for musicians to form a Ramonish band, but probably nothing will come of it.

I’m feeling so empty in my life right now. I’ve always kind of felt that way, but especially now. Where am I going? Why? Is it worth it?

Update

Wednesday, February 19th, 2003

Wow, talk about a diatribe, huh? It really does feel good to get what you’re feeling out onto paper (I mean pixels).

I had an exam in Psych class, but passed it easily. Thursday I have a geography exam, and on Friday I have a Rock ‘n Roll one. Plus, there were three papers I had to write over the weekends. I love how professors conspire to put all assignments due during the same week, then throw in some tests for extra measure.

I’ve written so many poems in the past three weeks it isn’t even funny. I really should look into getting them published.

I’m considering going to see The Miracle Worker. Shawn tells me it’s quite good. I need to do something besides sitting in my room waiting for the damn phone to ring.

Anyway, here’s one of the poems I wrote tonight:



“Doorstep”

the dark eve and the m

oment of hesitation

uncertainly lean

and her ey

es closed

and no

w mi

ne t

oo

a

nd

sude

nly, th

e world

is alive, all

things unspo

ken through o

ur

lips

It’s one of the more ‘normal’ ones, because I like to use odd spacing. HTML doesn’t allow for that, though.

Valentine’s Day

Wednesday, February 12th, 2003

Well, I got some nice mail today: a cheque to give to the University so they don’t kick me out of Friday. I have to go in tomorrow and pay it. I kind of feel like a fugitive: the University keeps sending me direr and direr warnings to pay or be killed by Siberian Death Troops.

Speaking of Friday, I also got a package from Grandma; she always sends something on Valentine’s Day. It’s nice to get something. Since I don’t know what’s going on, I’m going to consider myself ‘despondent’ this St. Valentine’s Day. Usually, I feel ‘bitter,’ so there you go.

I’ve been debating whether I should send my favorite little lady a letter, at least. I just don’t know; I really don’t like being in limbo. And all these friggin’ red and pink and white hearts posted around the campus don’t help my mood very much, either. 😉 A letter would be nice (nothing mushy) but might also be a bit presumptuous. Plus, can I send it tomorrow and have it arrive by Friday? Dave doesn’t know. Dammit, now I’m writing in the third person, the same way Shawn speaks.

Psych class passed quickly today. I think I’m getting more and more interested in it, which means I like three of my classes (American Lit, Psych, History of Rock ‘n Roll) and dislike two (British Lit, Geography).

Besides this weblog, I haven’t written anything in two days now. I’m feeling a bit weak. Maybe my blitz of poetry-writing last weekend was a fluke. I kind of got an idea for a blank-verse poem in Psych, but am not looking forward to counting syllables.