Dave Short

I just finished watching Blue’s Clues on Nickelodian.It was… different. For those readers unaware with the general concept, a besweatered (is that a word? Kind of like ‘bespectacled’) man runs around an animated house, following his blue dog as he lays down clues. Obvious jokes about this man’s drug habits aside, the show was fun. I remember watching Sesame Street as a kid, a show filled with giant yellow anthropomorphic birds and furry creatures of an indeterminate origin. That show gave me a nightmare when I was five that I still remember. My dad and I were walking around outside of Walla Walla when a muppet dog came up to us, demanding to know where the bank was. For whatever reason, my dad wouldn’t tell us, so the dog shot him! I woke up crying.

I mean, seriously, whatis this thing?

Anyway, Blue’s Clues is much less terrifying. First of all the main character, whose name is probably ‘Steve’ or ‘John’ or maybe if the producers are adventurous, ‘Bill’ is about as threatening as a lukewarm bowl of soup. All he does is prance around, occasionally singing and ‘Ski-Dooing’, a strange process in which his body spins around while he shrinks to the size of a golf ball so he can explore books and paintings. There is no way in hell he is devious, either, because he can’t accomplish a task (‘Which shape is a triangle?’) without having the disembodied voices of small children shout out the answer, which is usually non-specific (“That one!”). A smart toddler could get through this show shouting only, “That one!” and emerge a winner every time.

Second, none of the animated characters with which Steve-or-Ted-or-Bill interacts have those huge, googly, Muppet™ eyes. Those alone gave me — still gives me — nightmares.

Finally, there were no vampires with obsessive-compulsive disorder on this show. That I’m aware of. Fun Side Note: In folklore, vampires are often believed to be obsessive-compulsive. One way to deal with them, in fact, is to lay a mess of sesame seeds (sesame seeds…. dramatic music……) in their coffins. They will try to count them and spend eternity doing so.

So I watched the show, but could feel my brain atrophy with each note sung. That’s the weird thing about children’s TV — it really does help kids learn, but adults will slowly go mad watching it. There’s no question in my mind that Blue’s Clues is better for kids than Sesame Street was. It’s interactive (as interactive as television can get), and it builds a kid’s confidence. Sesame Street was that way too, but in smaller doses. And what the hell was up with Oscar the Grouch? When I was younger it was my job to take out the trash, and I was terrified that a furry hand would reach out and clench around my throat.

I went up to Aaron’s house last night. We watched Tremors and Mallrats. Both of them I had seen multiple times, but it was still fun. Tremors, desite its B-Movie cheesiness, is a just plain fun flick. Mallrats, though not as funny as it is upon first viewing, is like an old friend now — I’ve probably seen it half a dozen times.

Shawn, Kyle and Reid came up. When i suggested that Aaron make some soup, they attacked me. But it was worth it! That soup is deeeee-licious! I ate it with Triscuits — yummy! After the movies Shawn suggested we pop in the porno (Truth or Dare Fantasies or some crap) he had purchased in Missoula. I took the time to leave.

I came home about 12:30 and recorded a few basslines for some Suckers songs. The album’s almost done — all it needs is two more basslines and vocals on a few tracks.