Archive for the ‘Journal’ Category

No Sign of the Flathead Lake Monster

Sunday, July 18th, 2004

Current Listening: Bad Religion – “Hooray For Me” (Stranger Than Fiction)

When I slept with stony faces on the riverbank, / My angeldevil reveller shook me desperately in dying, / I don’t exactly want to apologize for anything, and now / We’re all mad and tangled in secret rooms with roman candles, / On an endless graveyard train



















It’s been a while since an update. Oh, well.

So here are the photos from camping with Carrie. The weather was beautiful for the first half of the trip, but turned sour the last half. We got some swimming in, though, but did not get a chance to use the raft I brought. That’s okay, though, because we’re planning a rafting trip down the Bitterroot for the end of July.

The campsite was beautiful. There were only four spots, and when we got there all were available. A few people came and went, but they seemed to be only roadtrippers, stopping over for the night. There was a beach (albeit a rocky one), a boat launch and dock, flushing toilets, and… could it be??? Showers!!! There was, sadly, no campfire, so we had to cook our s’mores over the grille. We ate well, too. I brought these fajita Gardenburgers which were excellent, as well as hot dogs. We even got some Count Chocula™ cereal, which was dee-lish!

On Tuesday when the weather turned sour we went into Bigfork and did some shopping. There was one store there that apparently had a ‘4th of July Sale’ where everything was half off. Unfortunately, everything was triple what someone would rationally pay. So we theorize that the store always has a sale — the next one would be a ‘Dog Days of Summer Sale.’ We had some yummy ice cream, and spent the rest of the day inside the tent because it was rainy and generally crummy.

I couldn’t sleep very well because I kept worrying about bears. This is what spending four years camping in an RV will do to you. Obviously, we were not attacked by any bears.

The next day we went to Polson, and hung around town. I went to John’s music store, but it was strangely closed, with a sign saying it would re-open June 23. Uh-oh. We saw Spider-Man 2 (my second time) and ate at a Chinese place (which gave Carrie food poisoning and me gas).

The drive back was beautiful. I love that area.

Back From Camping

Thursday, July 8th, 2004

Current Listening: Armchair Martian – “Jessica’s Sucide” (Armchair Martian)

I might broadcast your dull eyes / Breathless like you, I’m despised / And understand I just can’t / Help but stand up to the old lies / This time she’ll do it / Too late my bus is leaving / But I don’t care what you have planned

Great fun, good weather (mostly), food poisoning, riding in an Ambulance’s wake. Expect fotos (or pix — either one works) and stories soon. But I’m still recovering from said food poisoning.

Here’s my arrangement of the National Anthem: National Anthem (1.1 MB)

Me The Woman

Wednesday, June 30th, 2004

Current Listening NOFX – “The Decline” (The Decline)

I wish I had a schilling, / For every senseless killing, I’d buy a government. / America’s for sale / And you can get a good deal on it / And make a healthy profit

Somebody mistook me for a woman today. Someone called, asking for my dad, “Steve Short.” I said he wasn’t home, and they asked if I were “Mrs. Short.” Now, last time I checked, I had gone through puberty and my voice sounds like a man’s, at least enough like a man’s for the raging sissy-boy I am.

Of course, this isn’t the first time this has happened:

It all adds up…we feel 16% certain that you are…
A Woman!
Compared to others…


70% more male than you6% like you24% more female than you

TheSpark tells me that I’m a woman; in fact, there are only 24% of people who’ve taken this test who are more womanly than me. This means that either 1. an army of short-haired, boot-wearing, man-hating she-males has taken the test or 2. I am a nancy boy. I tend to agree with the second conclusion, mainly because I’m sure that valley girl, makeup-ensconsed, prissy teen queens use TheSpark. And me.

So, in order to combat my unmanliness, I have come up with this six-point plan to combat my sissiness:

1. Watch More Sporting Events

Since I was a child, I have been horribly deficient in the watching-other-people-have-fun category. To my knowledge, there 156070 x108 activities I would rather do than watching sports. Call me crazy, but I find nothing entertaining about a bunch of grown men running around in tight clothes and tackling each other. Sexy, maybe, but not entertaining.

2. Stop Asking Directions

I know this is a stereotype, but I’m not taking any chances. From now on, I will pick a direction and keep driving that way, never giving up or admitting I’m wrong or lost, no matter what, even if I’m going to New Mexico and I can see penguins out the window.

3. Start Eating Meat

I’ll level with you all. I stopped eating meat to get chicks. It’s a great conversation starter! But it’s just not manly. especially here in Montana, where everybody, even the girls, hunt and kill deer.

4. Start Working on Cars

This might be difficult, because I don’t have a car of my own and I’m terrified to touch my parents’ cars. So I figure I can start working on other peoples’ cars — people I don’t evne know. I’ll be like the car fairy, flitting from hood to hood, initially damaging the cars I tinker with but eventually being able to do some sort of repair, until I get shot.

5. Start using the word ‘fag’

Nothing shows how manly I am more than throwing hateful phrases at others because of my own deeply-hidden homosexual tendencies!

6. Start grabbing the breasts of random women

I’m really looking forward to this one.

7. Build Things

The only things I’ve ever built involve Legos. I want to be able to create monstrocities, things that can destroy major metropolitan areas.

And, most important of all:

8. Stop Writing in a Blog

I mean, c’,mon!!! It’s basically a diary, right?

PS — Dear diary! Today I ran into Judy Armstrong, and she is SOOOOO HAWT!!!1!!!onehundredeleven!1!!1 I hope she asks me out, but I just can’t wait… I’m sooo sad!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!

Camping Galore

Tuesday, June 29th, 2004

Current Listening: The Queers — “Surf Goddess” (Surf Goddess)
There’s no doubt that you’re just about / The prettiest girl that I’ve seen / You look so cool hanging by the pool / You’re the only girl for me / Surf goddess, I’m in love with you”

I just finished up the website for my family’s reunion at Priest Lake, which can be viewed at www.shortfamily.net. I had a program that did most of the stuff, but — me being the perfectionist that I am — I went through and changed the style a little bit, using a handy little relative expression technology called grep, so it only took me a couple of hours instead of a couple of days.

Carrie called last night and said that she has three days off next week, on Monday through Wednesday, which is perfect! We were planning on going camping, and the perfect time off for her would have been three days off early in the week.

My solo album, Pick Your Poison, is finished. I will make up some copies sometime, then offer to sell them right from this very website! I’d give them away, but it costs money to print and ship, so there you go. In the meanwhile, you can listen to the three MP3s in the litle bar to the left.

I watched Adaptation last night. It was pretty good, I thought; and the irony at the end was very fitting. The whole Nicholas-Cage-playing-his-own-twin-brother thing threw me at first (it was, after all, a Charlie Kaufman film), but I managed to adjust. Expect a review soon!

Adventures on the High Seas

Sunday, June 27th, 2004

Link of the Update: Dino-Riders: Does anybody else remember this? Lasers and dinosaurs? The two coolest things ever?

Current Listening:
Dr. Frank: “She Turned Out to Be Crazy”
Show Business is My Life

She turned out to be crazy
And she just wouldn’t stop
She kept calling me
She kept following me
And her dad was a cop

So I went up to Priest Lake for a few days this week. My grandparents used to have a cabin up there, but they sold it. We found the guy who owns it now and rented it for a week. I hiked to a beautiful upper lake and even built a sandcastle.

It was, I can quite honestly say, the best sandcastle ever built in the history of humankind. I put up 5-foot long board as a breakwater. I gave my tiny sandpeople a moat fed by the lake, and lined it with rocks to keep the banks from eroding, sending hundred of thousands of imaginary sand dollars’ worth of imaginary sand houses to their imaginary sand deaths. I even managed to create two towers — you know, the kind you build by putting wet sand into a bucket and tipping it onto the beach — despite the fact that the sand on the beach was so coarse that my brother was skipping grains of sand across the lake. I thought to myself, not even God him (or her, Women’s Libbers) could destroy this marvelous piece of engineering.

I managed to spend about two hours on the dock before a storm blew in. Now, this is not an uncommon occurance at Priest Lake — everybody’s heard about the crazy weather in Idaho! (EDITOR’S NOTE: this is a joke. Obviously, the people in Idaho are crazy, not the weather. Maybe a little bit of both)

This was not your garden-variety, get-the-towels-drying-on-the-rack-wet storm, this was a storm. Two trees feel on the cabin property (each one managing to hit a building), it was hailing, new creeks formed on the trails, and the cleats on the dock broke loose, putting my uncle’s boat in peril.

My uncle, of course, ran on the dock to tie it up. In a raging storm. With rain. And hail. And waves going over the dock. So of course my father, cousin, and cousin’s husband ran out to help him. It was insane. This was a scene from some stupid movie where the Captain of a dilapidated old freighter decides to sail into a hurricane for some reason and very nearly sinks the ship. The hail began sticking to the dock, turning it into a sheet of ice. It turns out that Sid, the owner of the cabin, had lost a finger and his boat doing the same thing. All I could do, man that I wasn’t, was sit there sipping my Mike’s Hard Lemonade (that alone proves I’m no man) and shooting pictures with a camera.

The storm abated and the boat did not sink, but something horrible did happen — my sandcastle was erased, as if God were challening my audacity. Lesson learned, God. Jerk.

Groceries

Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
Current Listening:
RxBandits: “Infection”
Is love an infection

Or a sick addiction

When there’s nowhere left

to run to?

Ugggh. I’ve eaten waaaay too much. Heath Coffee Ice Cream, Dr. Pepper. I got groceries today, obviously. Lots of good stuff, including yogurt and granola — I am such a hippie.

We watched Way of the Gun tonight. Well, I didn’t — I slept through most of it. What I do remember is being pissed off by the way that people with guns always seem to get their ways in movies. And torturing and shit.

Back From Bozeman

Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
Current Listening:
ALL: “Good As My Word”
I’m just as good as my word

No matter what you’ve heard

I haven’t updated this in sooooo long. I know. And right now I’ll swear to make a million updates, but I know I’ll start slacking, soon.

Charlie, Bob, a drummer named Kevin and I have started playing in a band again. It’s in a much harder-core vein than Nerds With Instruments. I actually haven an MP3 demo of a song up, too. Now, bear in mind that it’s all me: [Atomic Summer]. I recorded this with GarageBand, another kickass iLife product from Apple.

It is of utmost importance that we vote George W. Bush out of office. More later, including many rants. I’ve been considering starting an Anti-Bush website, too: “Liberal, pissed, biased, and proud of it!”

Carrie, Aaron, Lindsey, Randi and I went to Bozeman last weekend to visit Pat. The poor guy was lonely. MSU’s dorms are bigger, cleaner, and the people are nicer. I came home and there were beer cans on the elevator, my anti-Bush posters were ripped down, and some jackass has moved the stall door in the bathroom past the little stoppers, so now they do not stay closed. On the positive side, it was warmer here today than in Bozeman. 😛


VOTE BUSH OUT

On The Frustration of Campus Life

Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
Current Listening:
U2: “With or Without you”
Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you

With or without you

With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I’m waiting for you

With or without you

With or without you

I can’t live

With or without you

Singing to a bar in the handicapped-accessible stall of the Lomasson Center. This is what I found myself doing tonight. Of course, I wasn’t alone. John was there — he was the one who got me into it. It turns out that the bar resonates sympathetically to the Bb in the octave below Middle C. How John found out about this remains a mystery. He obstinately insists that it was his brother, David, who discovered this strange fact. That still makes me wonder why he would be singing while taking a shit.

After that little escapade I went to the library. I had a hankerin’ for some Bob Dylan. But with John at his swing class and Carrie home in Kalispell, I didn’t have any way to check out books. So I decided to see just how high my overdue fees were.

I had issue with these fees. Last semester I had a bibliography to write about William Wordsworth. I checked out books and took them home to Corvallis for the weekend, getting a ride from my mom. Now, obivously this meant that I could take all the books home but not back because it was a long walk. Unfortunately, I checked out one book that was due back two days after I checked it out. So, my fees turned out to be $11. What kind of insane library charges a dollar per day for overdue fees?

But it turned out that said fees were absorbed into my bill. I was a happy camper. I went and got another Bob Dylan biography (I’ve checked out three but haven’t really read one), a guide to rock ‘n roll (a thick book), and a chronicle of The Rock Bottom Remainders, the band formed of Dave Berry, Stephen King, and other noted writers. I also got Bob Dylan’s Greatest Hits, because some fucktard checked out and lost all of his albums last semester.

Then I started on laundry, which took five hours. Serious. I had the worst time finding a dryer, finally having to move somebody else’s clothes out of a one. Then, it took five runs through the dryers to clean two washersfull of clothes. One load just wouldn’t dry. I think some asshole came down in the middle of each of the first two runs, stopping the load and wasting a precious quarter of mine. They finally got done at 1:30, so now I can go to bed for the holiday.

New Album in Works

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
Current Listening:
Drag the River: “Forgiveness”
My daddy preached to me

Everyday for years

The day that he died

I swallowed my tears

The tip of the bottle

And a wish you were here

I’d trade forgiveness for a beer

Wow. Somebody threw strands of toilet paper through the trees in front of Jesse. In its own way, it’s really pretty. Like streamers of garland. That are supposed to wipe asses.

I was a Ninja for Halloween. Black pants, a black t-shirt, and another black t-shirt to make into my mask. There was this other guy in a ninja costume, but he was wearing a long sleeve shirt (with a logo!) and a bandana for a mask. I was so much sweeter than he. We did Trick or Eating, which meant we went to the Davidsons College and got a route, then went door-to-door collecting canned food. We got two bags full, which is a decent amount. Then we watched a late-night screening of The Shining. Interesting flick. So much so that I want to read the book.

I got some books at the library, thanks to Carrie. an Amiri Baraka treasury, Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys (A Very Short Book), and Stephen King’s autobiography/work about writing, On Writing. I’m about thirty pages into each.

So I’m slowly collecting another album’s worth of material. If all goes well, I should record it over the Thanksgiving break. This album will be my most acoustic yet: acoustic guitar, piano, and few electric guitars. It has some of my strongest stuff yet, though (I think). “Starting a Religion”, a slow, hymnal number; “Double Take”, an offbeat song about the similarty of the two ‘opposite’ political parties, and “Danse Macabre”, a visual, piano-driven piece.

Left Hanging

Nobody wants to explore anymore.

All we want is a copy of National Geographic and

a bologna sandwich, preferably with Super-Size Fries.

Can you blame us? Who’d want to leave

the serenity of a newspaper floor, our own feces

floating in a water dish, and pretty, shiny bars?

Thank God for the bars. If we squint and look

with what little imagination we’ve got,

we just might see a menacing cat staring us down.

He’s got mange, he’s missing an eye,

and a gleam in his good eye like a madman’s watch.

Watching the birds outside the window, we laugh nervously,

dismissing what we fear most. Let them live on the edge each day,

just outside the cat’s cracked paws. Let them live.

At least they don’t have to read old issues of National Geographic until they die.

Bad Underwear

Friday, October 10th, 2003
Current Listening:
Ball Cheeze Psychotics: “Apples”
Eat me

Bite me

Lick me

Suck me

I woke up with a sore throat this morning, so I stayed home through my classes. That was okay, though, because I had an Annotated Bibliography to work. Amazingly, I got it done in just three hours’ worth of work.

My underwear sucks. Specifically, the boxers I got on Sunday. They’re 45% polyester, so it’s like wearing a diaper. When I’m sitting on the pot, they creak like they’re stressed or something. Plastic Underpants. Great name for a band. But they suck!

I got a CD from Interpunk in the mail: Dobermans and Bowling Balls by the Ball Cheeze Psychotics. It sounds really good for an independent release. The music is awesome, although some of the lyrics… er… (check my Current Listening for an example). I’ll probably post a review sometime this week.